Chronicles of an Old Loose Ashtangi

Another year went by. When I started practicing Ashtanga I had to face a matter of trust. Like in a narrative when you have to pursue the suspension of disbelief - that magic moment when your reader accepts what you are saying because you, like an almighty god, created a full real(istic) world - I had to believe that in the long run the practice would work. The difference was that while a reader actually wants to believe, after all that's the reason why they bought or borrowed a novel, our mind at times is not really sold on that idea - at least at the beginning - when we start a new activity. Yes, there can be excitement, interest, but at times no real belief. We might like to prove ourselves wrong, to test our incompetence... it's a self-destructive thing some of us do have, more or less developed. The unvoiced need to undermine confidence, the exact opposite of the suspension of disbelief. It was a quick thing, didn't last long at all; and when it was overco...

After yesterday's shitty and lazy practice, I needed a little rest for my sore muscles and joints. I thought I would end up skipping today - but finally no. This morning, as good as (almost) new, I will go for a lighter practice trying not to overload my engine. Anyway, I am not sure what is the best choice: whether not to break the continuity and just do a light practice, maybe only the standing sequence, or to disconnect and rest one extra day. To practice or not to practice, that is the question: whether it is nobler in the mind to suffer... or to sleep

 I must confess I have a crush on sun salutations. So strong that I often do more than is due or expected. At times by mistake at times on purpose… During those first sun salutations I can stretch my back and hamstrings in preparation for a whole day of work at my desk, facing 3 monitors, struggling with poor translations or wordings, and maybe trying to decide whether a Chinglish operator’s manual for a construction machine I am currently translating is really saying: “Operators are advised not to light gum cigars while taking a leak”….😳🤦‍♂️ Surya Namaskars wake me up, ask for my full attention, bring more strength to my back and shoulders, release my tensions… this and much more, but mainly I feel like they are a sort of energetic portal that gives me access to my practice. And I have this weird feeling that, depending on how I “behaved”, the access is going to be conditional or unconditional, restricted or unrestricted.

  As I already said, I started practicing yoga late in life. But by accident I knew its existence since I was a boy, when it was practically unknown to most of us – certainly not the fashionable machinery that it has become today. I used to go on vacation to a village in Italian Alps. In our band of friends there was that Roberta, a stunning girl we were all hopelessly flirting with, and who incidentally a few years later ruined herself due to some wrong choices and connections. Well, we often met at her house to play cards – a game named Machiavelli. One day, when we get there, I saw her doing a sequence of balanced but physically intense movements, real acrobatics to my eyes, and she told me that what she was doing was called yoga.   The truth is that I had completely forgotten that event - it came back to me last night in a dream. Why that? Maybe the practice is awakening things that have long been dormant in me, maybe it was just an emotion I had to observe a...

  Moon day again. Such a drag. Resting, soothing, listening, and observing.🧘‍♂️ Ok, ok, I know the drill. But why? Apart from other philosophical concepts and misconceptions one may or may not want to believe, maybe because like all things of a watery nature we are affected by the phases of the moon at an energetic and physical level. Observing moon days could be one way to recognize and honour the rhythms of nature. Ok, so I will shut up and bend the knee 🤷‍♂️😏 Looking forward to being back tomorrow.

  Chaturanga I think if I were to practice with a background soundtrack, considering my current mood I would be torn between Lou Reed, R.E.M. and Dire Straits. Maybe Dire Straits for Sundays, while alternating the other two during the week. The absolute best would be to conclude the practice with Perfect Day of course 😊 A perfect day to me starts with a practice during which I can keep a steady and regular flow of breath all along, when I can do my practice focusing on it without thinking about that boring client, a weeping bank account, what I’m going to eat today, that strange dream I had, those dusty windows in front of me… A perfect day does not mean a perfect practice to me – as I said I’d rather keep that word out of my vocabulary. Just a mindful, attentive one. I still have so much to learn that anything else would be redundant.

  Bhujapidasana The real (vital) needs in life are numbered: breathing, eating, drinking, sleeping and a few more. So, anything that becomes “necessary”, essential, and indispensable, without being a vital need can turn into mania and addiction.   Vital needs come from the body, our hardware, and can be repressed, or rather suspended, by the mind. You can stop breathing for a while, but you can’t do it for good. Conversely, all other needs, those created by the mind, originated in the mind, our software, can definitely be suppressed for good. But the “problem” here is that the mind, which created that need, has to convince itself that a particular need is not necessary anymore. Neural networks and paths need to be changed for that. And that’s a long process.   On the other hand, neural paths are extremely important when practicing. Besides training the body, you need to train the mind – to generate in it all paths that are needed to perform that activity ...

  Utpluthih   7:45AM  - Sunday morning practice. I am not the mystic kind of guy. I am not a “we-are-all-one” kind of person. I know I do have a limited empathy and my low level of tolerance and indulgence has not improved over the years. But, in excuse, when I tried to show some extra tolerance with people and circumstances, life proved me wrong in my gullibility. So, what does this crap have to do with the practice? Well, everything. The lack of tolerance is also a lack of self-tolerance and self-indulgence and that is a serious hitch, a big drawback in everyone’s daily practice. As it happens, it affects the way you approach the practice and how you execute the postures – at least in my case. I am aware and conscious of it, and I am trying to redress – hoping that the remedy won’t be worse than the disease 🤷‍♂️ 😉 Perhaps when I reach the century mark...

Ardha Baddha Padmottanasana It is a common understanding that the practice is a mirror of one’s life and attitude, so, by extension, of one’s imperfections as well. I partially agree, but with the inclusion that to me the practice could also be the reconciliation of those imperfections. Talking about it, my Ardha Baddha Padmottanasana is a clear example of a cluster of imperfections and needs a lot of improvements. But it will probably never even come close to the threshold of perfection. Perfection – that word makes me itch. I do not believe in (human) perfection. There’s no such thing – it’s a myth, a delusion. You can strive as much as you want but better looking for improvement rather than going after that ghost of perfection. What today is a 10, tomorrow could be a 9 and the following day an 11. And that might be a top though not the top. We can always improve, up to a natural limit, but perfection is something out of our reach. And think of it: should it exist, perfe...

    You can find some asanas easier than others, but no posture is simple. Not even Savasana. You can hate Navasana – “nobody likes that shit” is a sort of mantra or code phrase – and then discover that it is your best companion through the practice. You can be scared by balances or feel uneasy with chest openers – and find that right there is where you need to work most. I can’t do a decent Urdhva Dhanurasana yet, but this pic from yesterday’s practice shows at least some improvement over the past few months compared with what it used to be. Thanks to a full series of shoulder exercises my first teacher gave me. You can be badly challenged by twists or keep wondering why the hell they put Parivritta Parshvakonasana there, and one day it turns up that you love it though you still can’t do it properly. And you almost always forget that one pose that discomforts you the most. But this is no struggle. We are not supposed to fight our way out or through it.  This i...

The big shift in the practice took place when I finally accepted that you are alone and it’s only up to yourself. I mean, teachers and peers are important in your progress, some more than others. Some may stick with you, others may fail you badly - or you may fail them; but at the end of the day, you can only rely on yourself and your body (mind?), and you better hang on to yourself - in all the meanings you want to pin to that concept 😉🤭 I mean, a 5- or 6-day practice is a big showing up. It bares your soul, it strips you off and down, almost literally. And that’s just the start of a big inner work where one is supposed to learn to become comfortable with discomfort.   To boldly go where one has never gone before 🌌 ("forgive the distortion, fellow Trekkers..." thought he while whistling). No shit? Yup, no shit!

I believe that two factors contributed to a complete switch of my mindset and practice in the last three months – an internal (mental) and an external (physical) one. Today I will deal with the latter. Day in day out I kept finishing my practice exhausted, as if I were always running on empty. All things considered the only solution was a change in my diet – a sharp increase in proteins and a strong cut in sugars and carbs.     I took a couple of months, but now I feel stronger and stronger every day and this change is reflected in my mood and also in my practice. I am now more prone to good mood 🙂 and never feel depleted - and this is really good news to me.

I spent the past weekend recording live video classes for the latest @yogapremschool 300H YTT and preparing apricot jam (fancy a jar? 😋 reach out!) – so, I skipped one day of practice but, considering my moon day sin, that’s ok.     Monday! Practice again 🙋‍♂️🥳 I remember that when I started, this Ashtanga thing was only a plaster, a makeshift for not being able to run smoothly anymore. Challenging myself with something new was a kind of anodyne for me. Nothing else – something to keep my mind quiet. Then, bit by bit, posture by posture, sweat after sweat I found to my amazement that it was growing on me. I started attending classes every day and something went off there, like a trigger that shifted my perspective. And in a way that period, that decision, and the Ashtanga method of teaching, sort of saved me from a lot of mental garbage and from freaking out because of that gloomy “you can’t run anymore, you’re a wreck” mood. Just to be clear, nothing to do wit...

Yesterday’s practice went fine – no breathing problems. Only some common little body aches... Just in case, as of today I am introducing a few rounds of kapalabhati to start with as suggested by @ashtangayogaprem and promise not to practice on moon days. 🤦‍♂️🙏 In my defense, it was the first and only tme 😇 Whatever, I just realized that a plant I practice next to each day, is now blossoming. This is the first time I see a potted Sansevieria blossoming! At least, at my home….   That beauty is also known as “Dragon fingers” – maybe the dragon is happy with my practice 😊 or maybe… I am the Father of Dragons. Who knows! The important thing here is that every day I practice together with 19 plants – mostly @ashtangayogaprem ’s orchids. Well, actually 21, with two new kids on the block just arrived (orange and crimson Twisted Celosias). So, I am surrounded by all those living beings breathing with me. There is most definitely an energy sharing pattern in place here....

  Yesterday morning I struggled to keep a steady flow of breath 💨 during the practice. It was as if all the moisture in the air won’t let me breathe properly. Let’s see how it goes today, but it's quite annoying.   A little bird told me that maybe I should introduce some pranayama before starting my daily practice. A few rounds of K apalabhati or  Bhastrika ♨️🔥 to fully awake and activate my diaphragm.   I am open to suggestions from fellow ashtangis. 🤷‍♂️🙏

  My private little shala – cosy and bright, with room for two or three people tops. This is where I practice every day. My shelter from the storm – or what it may come, actually 😊 I love it ❤, but as they say: beauty is in the eye of the beholder…

Today is moon day. What can we do on a new or full moon day when we’re not supposed to do our practice?        Well, have a rest, for example. Or do some pranayama or at least breath awareness, a few focusing exercises, maybe start reading or writing something new (I recently started “ The Gospel of Sri Ramakrishna ” and David Keil's “ Functional Anatomy of Yoga ” and never find the time to read  more than a handful of pages in a row)… ...or perhaps try to improve or polish up some transitions or specific postures instead 😊 😊 if we’re like those smokers who have no intention to stop. I am not disclosing what I am going to do in a few minutes, but just for you to guess... 🤣🤣🤣🤸‍♂️💥💯 Now, the big question. Do we have to honour moon days? Well, we don’t have to, but maybe we should. It is said that in those days the potential for injuries is greater; besides, rest days are important for body-mind regeneration - if we already practice 5-6 days a we...

Daylight at start of practice When you cannot achieve a decent asana, usually the problem stands in the mind rather than the body – unless one has severe anatomical impediments. Attitude, the way you approach a posture, is everything. My teacher once told me I was entering a specific set of postures with a negative mindset, like a big NO stamped on my face. That remark shocked me, I turned it down and got mad inside. Daylight at end of practice   A lot of water has gone under the bridge since then, but I still remember that comment and her voice and look saying it, with the difference that now I seem to have finally understood and treasure it as a fundamental teaching... and a good memory as well.

  I approached Ashtanga when I realized I couldn't run anymore. I had learnt the hard way that my left knee could no longer stand those constant impacts and a tough decision was to be made. A decision I don’t regret making though it cost me a lot to persuade my body and mind of that turn of the tide. So I started practicing Ashtanga late in life, forced by the body and aiming to find the same calming effect that running used to bring to my mind. Ashtanga is a sort of body-healer and mind-saver to me – I guess I’m not the only one thinking that way. I used to go practice every day, but last year ended up with me losing my Ashtanga teacher who moved away all of a sudden leaving her keys to the shala in a drawer and shutting the door behind without even having the decency of saying a proper goodbye... so much for who otherwise used to be a kind and decent person. Though it took me a good while to come to terms with that, I kept on practicing at @ashtangayogaprem on and off, until...