Practicing through suffering and distress

On days of discomfort, unease or anxiety, practicing is extremely difficult for me because my mind won't calm down and the whole sequence suffers from that situation.

When I used to run it was different: during those taxing days I literally kept running on empty until I got myself exhausted and all the released endorphins were able to appease or at least deceive my mind.

With ashtanga, on the other hand, I won't get that tired no matter what, there is always something holding me back and therefore I don't get the same effect because I just can't fool the mind.

But yesterday, by strictly controlling my breath and focusing on its flow from start to finish, I finally managed, perhaps for the first time since practicing Ashtanga, to soften my mind and soothe, or at least silence, an overly anxious state. The good news is that this was achieved not by exhaustion but through a controlled state.

I started by saying to myself "just a few sun salutations and that's it"... and went all the way instead, a bit stiff but relaxed at last...

Anyway, don't get me wrong: I kind of like practicing on those nasty, unfriendly days 🤫 It's just... you know... different.